Papa passed away on March 2, 2013. It is strange to imagine the world without him even still. I can hardly think of Mama and Papa’s house without Papa there, sitting in the chair in the front room, excited to see us as we walked in the door and hear, “Come over here and give Papa a kiss!” This post has been a long time coming. I have been wanting to write my thoughts about him and our experiences with him for a long time, but it is still hard to think about and put into words.

Papa had a way of making us feel loved. He knew each grandchild individually and loved each of us. He knew the things we liked to do and what we were up to and would ask us about it. He liked to have us with him. He loved to tell stories and funny jokes and he loved to hear a good story or joke as well. He loved for us to smile and laugh with him. He loved each of his Great grandchildren (my children) and knew their names and what they liked. Jackson loved going with Papa to pick up Jack in the Box in the past couple years for lunch on Tuesday morning. Papa often called Jackson his little linebacker, because since Jackson was little he would run up to Papa and practically tackle him to give him a hug. Each of my little babies have been hugged and held many, many times and told, “Papa Great loves you!”   I love that sweet statement.

We went and visited Papa Monday before he passed away. He had had a tiring weekend… he and Mama had all the teens over on Saturday afternoon for a short visit and he and Mama were able to bear testimony to them and talk with them for a while. He spent most of Sunday in the hospital, I believe,  for some severe pain he was having.  He was awake some of  Monday morning. So by the time we got there early Monday afternoon we weren’t able to see him at that time because he had fallen asleep and needed the rest. I was disappointed. I had waited too long to get over there. My Mom called me the next evening and said that Papa was awake and we should come as soon as we could. We hopped in the car and drove over and went straight back to his room as we got there. It was hard to see Papa back in his room, laying in his chair without any strength. We gave hugs as we walked in and Jackson talked to him about visiting the cabin and how great the snow was the weekend before. My kids didn’t like seeing him this way, so they didn’t stick around too long, except Chelle stayed on my lap for a few minutes. I honestly didn’t know what to say myself, there were too many thoughts running through my head and mostly I just wanted him to know that I loved him. Although I don’t regret anything, some things I probably should have told him were Thank you for so many things: thank you for his amazing example, thank you for his love, thank you for bearing his testimony, thank you for providing  many, many experiences for us, thank you loving each of my children and showing it to them, and so much more. I wanted to ask him if he was comfortable or see what I could do for him, which was probably nothing.  But I didn’t say much that night. I patted his arm and just sat by him. He started drifting off to sleep after just a few minutes, and so I knew it was time to go. I gave him a hug and told him I loved him and he woke up and said, “I love you too!” As I walked out, with Autumn in my arms now, he looked over and said and waved goodbye to her. I went into the play room and got the kids and said goodbye to my aunts and Mama. Jackson ran back to Papa’s room and poked his head in the door and said, “Bye Papa Great!” and Papa raised his arm and replied, ” Goodbye Jackson, Papa Great loves you!” It was so sweet and tender. I didn’t want to think that Papa would pass away soon after. Papa had recovered a few other times after being in the hospital, so I hoped and wanted to believe he would be ok, although I knew this time was different. I was and am so grateful for this special one on one time I was able to have with him. A few days later, Thursday, it was my birthday. I received a call from Mama and Papa just as I had every year before, singing me happy birthday and then Papa took the phone and said “We love you and we’re just so proud of you…!” It was sweet to hear these words from him just as I had every year. His voice was very hoarse and Mama told me Papa was worried about how it sounded. Mama was sweet and  also told me she loved me and she hoped I had a wonderful birthday.  How sweet and kind of them to make the effort to call me that day as they were going through everything. I heard Thursday was a better day for him… I was happy for that and thought, “oh good, he’s recovering a little!” The next couple days were not as good. I received a text from my mom on Saturday afternoon I think around 4:00 as I was returning home from picking up Jackson at a friend’s birthday party that Papa had passed away peacefully.  I sat in disbelief for a few seconds with tears in my eyes, but I had a comforting feeling that it was his time, but still I didn’t want it to be. I know, its selfish of me.

The things I love to remember about Papa… he was honest in his dealings, always. He bore his testimony often. He loved his family sincerely and we felt it. He always expressed gratitude for his blessings. He gave service willingly however he was able. He served in his callings whole-heartedly.  He was prayerful – even in the last few days, when he didn’t have the strength to get himself to the bathroom and back, and one of my uncles was there to help him back to his bed, Papa told him that he thought he would kneel right there before he got back into bed and say a prayer. He was a faithful home teacher, and found amazing ways to serve through home teaching.  He loved people and was a loyal friend – story after story is evidence of that. He was a leader and stood for what was good and right and used his influence to be a voice for good.

I came away from Papa’s funeral wanting to be a better person, better in specific ways. His funeral was joyful and happy – very much a celebration of the wonderful, wonderful life he led. I am grateful to have had part in that life. I am grateful to be his grand daughter. I am grateful for his grand example of serving the Lord. I am grateful for his love.  I am grateful to know how to serve the Lord better. I am grateful for this last gift he gave me – the testimony I have gained from this experience of life after death, although I still miss having Papa here; After the funeral and graveside service, Micah and I took our kids that evening to his grave (we brought them to the viewing but we didn’t bring them to the funeral). I felt his presence there. It was like we were visiting him at his home – he was there. He was happy to see us and I knew he loved us and appreciated that we had come. That was a very special experience for me.  I was so glad we did that.

Thank you Papa for all you have done for us. You are an amazing man and we miss you. We will see you again sometime! We love you!