Papa passed away on March 2, 2013. It is strange to imagine the world without him even still. I can hardly think of Mama and Papa’s house without Papa there, sitting in the chair in the front room, excited to see us as we walked in the door and hear, “Come over here and give Papa a kiss!” This post has been a long time coming. I have been wanting to write my thoughts about him and our experiences with him for a long time, but it is still hard to think about and put into words.

Papa had a way of making us feel loved. He knew each grandchild individually and loved each of us. He knew the things we liked to do and what we were up to and would ask us about it. He liked to have us with him. He loved to tell stories and funny jokes and he loved to hear a good story or joke as well. He loved for us to smile and laugh with him. He loved each of his Great grandchildren (my children) and knew their names and what they liked. Jackson loved going with Papa to pick up Jack in the Box in the past couple years for lunch on Tuesday morning. Papa often called Jackson his little linebacker, because since Jackson was little he would run up to Papa and practically tackle him to give him a hug. Each of my little babies have been hugged and held many, many times and told, “Papa Great loves you!”   I love that sweet statement.

We went and visited Papa Monday before he passed away. He had had a tiring weekend… he and Mama had all the teens over on Saturday afternoon for a short visit and he and Mama were able to bear testimony to them and talk with them for a while. He spent most of Sunday in the hospital, I believe,  for some severe pain he was having.  He was awake some of  Monday morning. So by the time we got there early Monday afternoon we weren’t able to see him at that time because he had fallen asleep and needed the rest. I was disappointed. I had waited too long to get over there. My Mom called me the next evening and said that Papa was awake and we should come as soon as we could. We hopped in the car and drove over and went straight back to his room as we got there. It was hard to see Papa back in his room, laying in his chair without any strength. We gave hugs as we walked in and Jackson talked to him about visiting the cabin and how great the snow was the weekend before. My kids didn’t like seeing him this way, so they didn’t stick around too long, except Chelle stayed on my lap for a few minutes. I honestly didn’t know what to say myself, there were too many thoughts running through my head and mostly I just wanted him to know that I loved him. Although I don’t regret anything, some things I probably should have told him were Thank you for so many things: thank you for his amazing example, thank you for his love, thank you for bearing his testimony, thank you for providing  many, many experiences for us, thank you loving each of my children and showing it to them, and so much more. I wanted to ask him if he was comfortable or see what I could do for him, which was probably nothing.  But I didn’t say much that night. I patted his arm and just sat by him. He started drifting off to sleep after just a few minutes, and so I knew it was time to go. I gave him a hug and told him I loved him and he woke up and said, “I love you too!” As I walked out, with Autumn in my arms now, he looked over and said and waved goodbye to her. I went into the play room and got the kids and said goodbye to my aunts and Mama. Jackson ran back to Papa’s room and poked his head in the door and said, “Bye Papa Great!” and Papa raised his arm and replied, ” Goodbye Jackson, Papa Great loves you!” It was so sweet and tender. I didn’t want to think that Papa would pass away soon after. Papa had recovered a few other times after being in the hospital, so I hoped and wanted to believe he would be ok, although I knew this time was different. I was and am so grateful for this special one on one time I was able to have with him. A few days later, Thursday, it was my birthday. I received a call from Mama and Papa just as I had every year before, singing me happy birthday and then Papa took the phone and said “We love you and we’re just so proud of you…!” It was sweet to hear these words from him just as I had every year. His voice was very hoarse and Mama told me Papa was worried about how it sounded. Mama was sweet and  also told me she loved me and she hoped I had a wonderful birthday.  How sweet and kind of them to make the effort to call me that day as they were going through everything. I heard Thursday was a better day for him… I was happy for that and thought, “oh good, he’s recovering a little!” The next couple days were not as good. I received a text from my mom on Saturday afternoon I think around 4:00 as I was returning home from picking up Jackson at a friend’s birthday party that Papa had passed away peacefully.  I sat in disbelief for a few seconds with tears in my eyes, but I had a comforting feeling that it was his time, but still I didn’t want it to be. I know, its selfish of me.

The things I love to remember about Papa… he was honest in his dealings, always. He bore his testimony often. He loved his family sincerely and we felt it. He always expressed gratitude for his blessings. He gave service willingly however he was able. He served in his callings whole-heartedly.  He was prayerful – even in the last few days, when he didn’t have the strength to get himself to the bathroom and back, and one of my uncles was there to help him back to his bed, Papa told him that he thought he would kneel right there before he got back into bed and say a prayer. He was a faithful home teacher, and found amazing ways to serve through home teaching.  He loved people and was a loyal friend – story after story is evidence of that. He was a leader and stood for what was good and right and used his influence to be a voice for good.

I came away from Papa’s funeral wanting to be a better person, better in specific ways. His funeral was joyful and happy – very much a celebration of the wonderful, wonderful life he led. I am grateful to have had part in that life. I am grateful to be his grand daughter. I am grateful for his grand example of serving the Lord. I am grateful for his love.  I am grateful to know how to serve the Lord better. I am grateful for this last gift he gave me – the testimony I have gained from this experience of life after death, although I still miss having Papa here; After the funeral and graveside service, Micah and I took our kids that evening to his grave (we brought them to the viewing but we didn’t bring them to the funeral). I felt his presence there. It was like we were visiting him at his home – he was there. He was happy to see us and I knew he loved us and appreciated that we had come. That was a very special experience for me.  I was so glad we did that.

Thank you Papa for all you have done for us. You are an amazing man and we miss you. We will see you again sometime! We love you!

I’ve entered several posts tonight, so keep scrolling! Some were actually written before Christmas, but we were having picture problems yet again. I think we may have it figured out now 🙂 at least until we change it again.

Well, its official – we are dog owners now. We adopted our dog last week from an older couple who had gotten it for their grand daughter who was living with them. We have been looking on craigslist for a while now for a great dog. We found one that we really wanted, and couldn’t make it to her before she was sold. The next one we went and met, and was cute but so jumpy and rowdy. When we walked away from that dog lacey was so upset. She yelled, ‘Let’s buy HIM! I want to buy him!!!” I was a little embarrassed about how spoiled she sounded, but we talked about that later. It made the situation a little awkward and very funny in hindsight. We met another dog, and he was fun and could do some fun tricks, but was not my favorite looking dog. I thought I could live with him because he had been in a house with kids and seemed pretty well trained. The people said they would call us back because they had a few families that wanted him. Well, turned out that we didn’t qualify to have him (which I was a little relieved about :).

The dog we ended up adopting is about 2 years old, spayed, house trained, and very calm and kind to the kids. She listens well and must have been trained at least a little because she sits when we tell her to, is overall very obedient, is pretty good about going to her crate at night,  has not run out the door or even acted like she would, very gentle,  and is just a very nice little dog. The only thing we need to work on is a bit of barking when people come in the door. The previous owners had named her “Baby” which wasn’t our favorite. After considering Lady, Daisy, Mele, Muffy, and several other names,on a whim we came up with Sparkle (because we had painted Rachelle and Lacey’s nails with Sparkles) and Sparkle was the only name that everyone liked (although Chelle tells me she wants to call her Baby Sparkle now and Micah wasn’t the biggest fan at first). She has gotten more playful as she’s gotten more comfortable and we are loving her.

Christmas is the best! I love it. I’m just going to include several pictures and let them tell most of  the story. Lacey’s Preschool Christmas program, Chelle was “Mary” this year in the little nativity,  Pajamas from cousins (very late thank you’s to Gabby, Caleb, Tristan, and Brielle) and pajamas from Mamama. We badly needed pajamas and they are all worn about every other night. We had a fabulous Christmas

We received a call on Christmas day saying that Grandpa Hawley had passed away. We knew he had been struggling. He was 92 years old.  We decided after a lot of deliberation that we would drive out there as a family to be at his funeral and spend New Years Even there. The funeral went well and the graveside service was very sweet. Micah and I both learned a lot about Grandpa Hawley through the memories of those who spoke. At the end of the graveside service, all the children were encouraged to come put a flower on the casket. It was beautiful.  It was hard to see Grandma Hawley through all of it. It made me think of President Hinckley’s words. I can’t remember where it was, but after his wife passed away, he said with tears in his eyes he knew that he would be with her again, but he missed her. Its true and it helped me realize that you can miss people and hurt and still have faith.

We were glad to be there with so many of Micah’s cousins and family that we don’t see very often.

I tried to potty train Rachelle several months ago and ended up frustrated and broke. She could do it, she just didn’t want to. There were prizes involved and she would do well enough to earn the prize and then not care anymore. So I gave up after a few weeks of trying really, really hard! There was a day when she pee peed on a chair right in front of me, when I had asked her just a minute before if she needed to go. I looked at her and said, “Chelle” and let out a frustrated sigh. She looked at me and in a sweet tone and with a little smile asked, “Are you frustrated with me mom?” That was the day I decided we were done with that try at potty training. I didn’t mention it again, until one day in January she went into the bathroom, went pee pee on the toilet and came out and told me. I gave her a high five and decided we would try this potty training again. I just stuck with the high fives and it seemed to be really pleasing to her. She was very successful that day, maybe one accident as she was running into the bathroom. I did end up offering a couple M&M’s for each time with a high five. Everything just worked out this time and we are all so stinkin’ happy about it! Hooray for Chelle!

To top it all off, last week on Sunday before church we painted Chelle’s fingernails and toe nails with pink and sparkles. She loved it! After church we were sitting in the car waiting for Micah to finish up some things for his calling and we were talking about what a great job she did telling her teacher she needed to go to the bathroom. In a proud tone she exclaimed, “Mom, today, my fingers are pretty, my toes are pretty, and my underwear are pretty!” What a fabulous statement!